Kitchen Failures

As a tribute to all of my recent, unsuccessful attempts to come up with new recipes, I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog to "Hey, Mom, What's NOT For Dinner?"

Fluffy White Cake.  It was as dry as sawdust.

With Fluffy White Frosting.  It was very similar to a certain brand of "frozen non-dairy whipped topping" (you know, the one that is loaded with chemicals, and ingredients that you can't pronounce).  The difference is that the "frozen non-dairy whipped topping" (you know what I'm referring to, right?) actually tastes pretty good, whereas this fluffy white frosting that I made from scratch tasted like chemicals.

If you can figure that one out, clue me in.

I actually took 105 step-by-step photos as I was making this cake.  I kid you, not.  105.

And then I took a bite and wished that I hadn't spent all that time taking photos of a recipe that I'm not going to blog about.

Boneless Country-Style beef ribs.

They look good, right?

They tasted like an old army boot.  Okay, I've never tasted an old army boot.  But I imagine it wouldn't taste very good.  At least an army boot would be made out of somewhat-flexible leather.

These ribs were not flexible.  They were dry, rigid and impossible to chew.

Sticky Lemon Rolls.

Which were really good.  But from start to finish they took FIVE, yes 5, hours to make.  

I don't know why I didn't figure that out in advance.

The only way I will ever spend five hours on any recipe ever again is if eating the end result gives me some sort of superpower.  I would like the power to know in advance whether or not the recipe is worth making.  Or at least that it is not worth spending five hours taking 138 step-by-step photos while I make 10 rolls which--when all is said and done-- only make your clothes fit a bit tighter.

I'd even settle for a superpower that would help me resist Clyde's pleading gaze.